I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
