It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
