Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
