cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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