My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
