my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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