I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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