It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
