"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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