I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
