woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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