If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
