Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize