I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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