WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
