Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
