she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
