I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
