I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
