drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
