Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
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Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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