Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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