There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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