I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
