Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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