Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
