Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
