the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
