smell my finger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
