Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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