the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
