I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We are all done wearing pants today
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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