He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
