He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
