I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
