the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
