Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
