and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize