I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
