I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
