Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
