does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
