I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
