is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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