it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So vagazzling was a success
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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