When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
