it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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