____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
