I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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