she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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