We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to align my fucking chakras
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
