Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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