Jerry, you need to find god
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
