Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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