you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
