You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
