I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
