Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
